Smashies & RSA Post Wins At Home Opener

(Photos by Bob Dunnell)

(BALLWIN, MO) The eight-wheeled action of Arch Rival Roller Derby returned to Queeny Park’s Midwest Sport Hockey Saturday night and a packed house saw the launch of the League’s 13th season of high-octane action and a pair of squads on quads posted impressive wins.

At the doubleheader held in front of 600, the Smashinistas topped ARCH defending champions the Stunts Devils, 212-94, in the opener while in the nightcap the returning Rebel Skate Alliance bested the M-80s, 245-145.

The Smashies and RSA currently lead the four–team complexion with identical 1-0 records.

The four teams compete in a round-robin style, six event regular season that concludes in early April 2019. The two factions that finish with the higher winning percentage of the quartet competes for League’s trophy later that month.

ARCH returns to Midwest Sport Hockey on January 5, 2019 as RSA faces the Stunt Devils in the first game at 6:30 pm while the M-80s and the Smashinistas tussle in the 8 pm showdown.


In the rematch of last year’s trophy game, the Smashinistas quickly gained an advantage thanks to a solid blend of stealth jamming and lockdown blocking. In fact, the green-clad rollers never trailed in the season opener and a lethal second-half  smothering resulted in an easy win.

Up 4-0 after the opening jam, the Smashies pushed their lead to 16-0 following newcomer Olive Smashin’s 12-point strike. Another four-pointer followed that resulted in a 20-0 advantage.

The Stunts retaliated with an eight-point jam from Scarrie Fisher at the 24:15 mark that whittled the game to 20-8.

Scoring was comparable as the period progressed as the Smashies maintained a 41-28 lead midway through the period.

The Smashies then capitalized on Stunt jammer miscues and blocker infractions which resulted in Frowntown’s 16-point haymaker scored with 12:35 left that pushed the score to 57-28.

That proved to be a pivotal point as Smashie blockers Cloak N’ Drag-Her, Smashbird, Nigel Smashberry, chill beans, WyldeSyde, Gnarley Carbsmashian, Regrets, Smash Me Ousside, The Monster Smash, Regrets and Smashsquatch began to collectively display their dominance.

It resulted in a 28-0 Smashies’ run deep in the period, highlighted by an eight-point jam from newcomer Skeevie Nicks with ten minutes left and Frowntown’s dozen that followed that helped the troopers forge a 88-35 lead with five minutes left.

To their credit, the Stunts cobbled a 16-1 late stretch and managed to shore the score to 89-49 at intermission.

That momentum was quickly erased as the second half began with the Smashies’15-0 launcher that was punctuated by Smashing Violet’s 11-pointer scored on the second rotation which pushed the score to 104-49.

The Stunts’ blocking schema of co-captains Reese Wither(n’ Die) Spoon and Zooma Thurman, veterans Kill-ya Knightly, Rhonda Lousey, Ginger Assassin, Sir Ian McKillin’ and Fast ‘n’ Lucy Liu and newcomers Toni Smaxton, Nunchucks Norris and Glenn Close But No Cigar worked perpetually hard to give the defending champs hope for victory.  Jammer Zoe Hell collected eight points via a power jam with 17:30 left that made the score 133-66.

The Smashies quelled the effort with Frowntown’s 24-pointer collected midway through the frame that blossomed the lead to 155-66.

That did not stop their tank from rolling as the troopers continued with a 57-28 conclusion, highlighted by Violet’s 16-point rotation with 2:30 remaining

The Smashies outscored the Stunts in the second period, 123-45, en route to the 212-84 season opening victory.


Returning to the flat-track after a four-year freezing in carbonite, Rebel Skate Alliance quickly took advantage of a 23-0 rally early in the frame as jammers Boba Flash, Admiral Aggbar and Darth Tator helped construct a 24-5 lead six minutes in.

The M-80s responded as jammer Owl Wing It claimed a power jam and a 16-12 rotation helped the scouts shore the score to 36-21 ten minutes deep.

The RSA blocking battalion of Endorable!, Titanium Falcon, SITH HAPPENS, Lethal Dose, Wookie Monster, Zombie Plagueis, Spock N’ Roll, Jabba the Butt, Han Rolo and Storm Bruiser pushed the game to their favor as the period progressed by keeping the M-80s’ jammers at bay. This resulted in the Rebel’s 100-62 lead following Aggbar’s four-pointer with five minutes left that made the score 100-62.

The momentum continued over the final two jams as a 23-12 penultimate rotation from Tator was followed by an eight-point conclusion that resulted in RSA’s 131-74 lead at intermission.

Despite the differential at game’s midpoint, the M-80s valiantly competed. With blocking from co-captains Merit Badger and Trampfire, assisted by veterans Special Brownies, Scouts Horror, Slipknot, Curl Scout and Crumbledore and supplemented by newcomers Slam Shakusky, S’More Cowbell, Wood Bang, the red-flannels were able to use jams from L’Oakey Doki, Lucy Fir and Camp Kwitcherbitchin to keep pace.

With 16:00 left, the M-80s trailed 153-114 following Brownies’ baker’s dozen served with 16:00 left.

RSA then countered, and solidified victory, with a 38-0 rally over the next three jams. Highlighted by Han Rolo’s 28-point gutbuster, the Rebels widened their lead to 191-114 with ten minutes left.

SITH HAPPENS’ 19-point jam with four minutes left put the exclamation point on the team’s 114-71 second-period output that resulted in the 245-145 victory.


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Muckety Muck

Muckety Muck has been a co-announcer for Arch Rival Roller Derby since 2008. Writes Arch Rival previews and recaps for Arch City Sports, a St. Louis-based sports website.

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